The Thief of Joy

I applied for a job a couple months ago. I didn’t really think I would get it but it was like a punch in the gut hearing from someone who worked there that it was noted on my application that I didn’t have enough experience. Regardless of what experience I do have and try to justify my position, I really took it to heart and translated it as “You’re not good enough.”

Rarely am I thrown off my square and feel it so deeply. My dreams were especially infiltrated. My beloved Jeep was stolen in my dream and I had another dream that I was driving erratically from the back seat. Usually I don’t remember my dreams so vividly. When I looked up the translations (There’s gotta be some truth to it!) they both indicated my insecurities about my identity and path in life. Whoa.

Seems like I need a bit of an overhaul in the confidence and self-esteem department.

I have several “self-help” books that I have collected or been gifted over the years. One is about excavating your true self, one is about living a more simple life and another about growing. These are the three I am currently reading sporadically. It seems to me that when I am in a rut about myself, I read them more often. The growth one is what I have been reading more of, “The 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth: Live Them and Reach Your Potential”.

But what potential? Whose thought of potential? Mine or others? I suppose it doesn’t really matter as long as I am moving in growing as a person. And in that growth, I am reminded that I am my own person, on her own path. The quote about comparison came up because I forgot that in a moment of indignation and jealousy/envy. Oh, how delicate a psyche is.

Anyway, I am gonna buck up and keep growing.

Speaking of growing, I have had a lot of projects in my queue that I have completed. Baby onesies, which are my faves to do, and some other odds and ends. I have a big sign decal to do for a local non-profit a friend brought to me and will be designing new shirts for a local food truck business. I am knitting a baby headband that I haven’t quite got the join satisfactory. I have knit this thing three times already. What are your favorite knit joins?

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I was organizing my stash and came across a bunch of started washcloths in my cottons so I decided to finish some off. Here is one that has that color pooling affect that people were just raving about. It looks sorta like an angry face lol! I love this stitch, the linen stitch, in crochet. I’m working on mastering it in my knits. The texture is just lovely!

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This was the first headband I had attempted. I tried to block the stockinette but acrylic just doesn’t really take to blocking. Like my makeshift blocking board? I thought I had a foam square somewhere from the kids’ playstuff. Apparently not. I will have to invest.

Anyway, it has taken me allllll day to finally get something down and so I shall conclude with this. Stay tuned for a finished headband lol! Have a great rest of the day.

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