Close to Home

This is an intensely personal post.

Last night the episode of Glee was on giving tribute to Cory Monteith’s death. I completely missed the first couple episode’s of the season, not realizing that the show was on. Honestly, I didn’t think it would come back. I don’t know why; I just think the death was so personal to the cast that they wouldn’t want to broadcast it on TV.

However, I suppose there’s a reason for the saying “the show must go on”…

I didn’t get home til late and watched the last 5 minutes. My gut wrenched like I knew it would. I cried, just like many people were at that very moment as well. However, I wasn’t crying just out of sympathy or empathy. 

I cried because just over ten years ago, I could have been Cory.

It’s hard to imagine my life had I continued down the destructive path of drug and alcohol addiction. No doubt I would have died at my own hand. For years, I struggled with demons in my head not knowing that there was a way out if I just gave myself a break. Being young and impressionable, I found a solution in the party life without a care in the world. And then when the party stopped being fun; the demons raged on.

One day someone said to me that I didn’t have to live that way anymore. That I didn’t have to feel the way I did anymore. And it was hard to believe. I hadn’t known any other way to feel and live for years. I didn’t know how to cope and honestly, each day is still hard for me to cope with, some days being easier than others.

I know that some people just think that drug addicts and alcoholics are a lost cause. Some of us may be. Some of us die. Yet, some of us live as well. If you know someone who is struggling with this affliction, please don’t look down upon them. There is something going on there that you may not understand, just as people who have a mental illness. There is treatment! Someone loved me enough to help me when I was young to see that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I can’t tell you how very grateful I am to be alive even when I didn’t think then that I wanted to be.

After finishing the episode today, I am saddened because not only is someone gone, but so is a piece of each person he had affected in his life. When things like this happen, I keep it close to my heart to remind myself of what could have been and what could be…

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